Glory and Guilt

I killed the Prime Minister of Malaysia! Not really, but if I did I would feel pretty guilty about it I bet. Guilt is a funny thing. It is what separates us from those uncivilized animals. See, I have a psychopathic dog named “Princess.” Princess actually seems to enjoy taking a piss on my favorite shoes. She also seems to laugh at me while I’m using my fresh tears of despair to clean it. Does my dog feel guilt and apologize? No. Do I feel the need to apologize whenever I take a piss on someone’s shoes? 75% of the time yes (some people deserved it).

Back in my day, I used to play basketball a lot. Basketball was my sport while I was in my prime. So I’m playing casually and going for a re-bound, when someone who we will call “Justin” decided he wanted the re-bound too. As any competitive player would do, I did the first thing that came to mind that would stop him. I broke his ankle. I jumped on his foot, shattering his ankle and even his dreams of being a tennis star. After listening to his high-pitched crying and moans of pain and woe, my guilt got the best of me, and I apologized. To this day he never apologized for when I tripped trying to break his ankle. Jerk.



Not everyone is as great a person as I though. Some people like say, O.J Simpson, are in-fact very very bad people, and have the morals and conscience of that “Justin” kid. O.J Simpson is a great case to look at. After O.J was suspected of murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Robert Goldman, he did what any innocent man would do. Get a Hostage, a car, and make a run for it of course! Never mind the fact that the prosecution found,
(A) His Glove, (B) his DNA, (C) his Knife, (D) His Hair, (E) His pair of keys, (D) His Blood, (E) Imprint of his Shoes.
You would think this mountain of guilt, both literally and non would have got the truth out of him. No, because O.J pulled “the race-card” and “The Chewbacca theory.” He got away with murder, literally. Then O.J did something a bit odd

O.J- “Yo I’ma gonna publish this book about how I killed Nicole and Robert”
Conscience—“Good you can finally get the truth out there, your doing the right thing”
O.J—“Good point, I meant how I WOULD have killed them, damn I’m clever, no one will suspect a thing.”
Conscience- “I hate you”


I believe that was bit of O.J’s guilt escaping from his conscience. It’s a step in the right direction I guess, but O.J since you seem to be able to escape anything, why not do us all a favor and kill Paris Hitlon? You would get a medal and parade!

Tell me you saw this coming, It’s Macbeth connection time. If you asked me a week ago “Secretary, do you think guilt will come into play in Macbeth?”
I would first promptly stab you many times in the chest for using a “pun” in my presence. I would then answer “most likely no.” I was proven wrong today by Lady Macbeth of all people. Guilt is taking its toll on Lady Macbeth, she seems to be on the brink of insanity. This guilt is going to lead to big things, and we will have to wait and find out. Perhaps it’s “How I WOULD convince my husband to kill King Duncan and become King: The Musical.”

A League of My Own

Feminism is to Noble Causes, as the "WNBA" is to sports. Both are stupid, pointless, and take up too much time on my TV. Anyone who is a actual fan of the WNBA, take a good hard look at yourself and say "I am a fan of a league some people don't believe exist. I Pity Myself."

Put down your torches and pitchforks, and let me explain myself. Back in the day of “Black Plagues”, “Knights,” and “Kings,” women were seen as “that annoying thing that I locked in the house so I can have a son, and some steak.” Women were seen as this until around the 1950s, when my 19^th favorite amendment came out, granting equal rites to all people, regardless of sex. All was equal in the U.S, and Feminism could now retire with honor, but NO, Femimsim decided “we got nothing better to do so, we are sticking around.” I figure this is how it all went down.

Feminist Mastermind: “Mission Complete, we are officially equal, cupcakes, and equality for all!”

Paris Hilton: “But like I want to be like MORE Equal then like Men, like why can’t we force them to build us like Pyramids of Equality for us to like shop at.”

Feminist Mastermind: “The goal was to become equal, not demi-gods of men.”

Paris Hilton: “LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALA”

FM: “Your going to dismantle all we worked for.”

Paris Hilton: “ You’ll see, like I will like make my own clothing line that will like completely demean women, and like make sure that like men only like see our looks and like nothing else

Then I like to believe, the true feminists got on a spaceship to the moon or something.. I can’t see how they are standing for Paris Hilton.

See, I think feminism was a grand idea, and it did the job. Then someone decided that women must be more then equal then men. I call this Elite-ism feminism.

The role models of this new movement are celebrities such as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears. They are horrible influences on today’s young tweens, and I personally believes NASA’s next mission should see how long these so-called “Role-Models” can survive in space without helmets, I hear Paris can hold her breath a long time(HEY-O).

Now for your weekly dosage of Macbeth connections. Lady Macbeth is a (EXPLETIVE DELETED). She shows girls they can have power and control people, which is neat-o. Then she uses said power to get Macbeth to kill Duncan. Last time I checked a knife is just as effective held by a man as a women. She manipulates people and she should join Spears, Hilton, and Lohan in their (one-way) space re-hab vacation. Bon Voyage.

Comic Relief: Watch to see the horrors of Paris and Lohan ( safe, I promise)

When Good Blogs Go Bad....

A wise Vonage commercial once said "People Do Stupid Things", and indeed they do Vonage, indeed they do. "The Man" is demanding this week’s blog to be about "Good People who do Bad Things."

"Paging Governor Spitzer" or should I say Ex-Govna Spitzer. Unless you've been living in a cave the past month, you must have heard of my favorite ex-governor. You see my idol (or ex-idol) Spitzer has been pretty busy lately. Governor Spitzer was the baby of a D.A.R.E Officer, and Mr.Clean(probably). When he was elected to Governor, he cleaned up crime like a professional, nothing got past him, he spit at the thought of crime! This man was so clean you could eat off him. He was even the Attorney General, a very honorable position, held be other noble people such as Alberto Gonzales(not the best example in retrospect)! He never even thought about doing anything illegal....or so we thought!

Governor Spitzer never did anything wrong, until one day…. he spent 15 years with Prostitutes.

March 10^th 2008, I remember it well, it was oddly dark-out at 11pm, and my political scandal sense was tingling. Imagine my shock when I turn on the news to find out Governor Spitzer was with a prostitute, a $1,000 a hour prostitute! I was in denial at first, thinking how could the Good Govna spend this when he knows New York is in such debt! Then it hit me, the Good Govna has turned rotten! I had to justify it, but no, Spitzer had a wife! Then I thought maybe someone put him up to it! Perhaps my other ex-idol Bill Clinton! (I know I’m bad at picking idols, be quiet)

No, not Bill, at least Bill has the decency to go after staff members, and not “gasp” ILLEGAL prostitutes (the worst type of prostitutes, the illegal kind!). Start taking notes Spitzer. He must of done his on his own accord.

In all my grief of writing this, I realized “The Man” probably just wanted a connection to Macbeth, and connection he shall have! I think Macbeth changed his morals because he had power within his grasp. If someone went up to you and went “If you kill that guy with this tissue box, you be Secretary of the Grade!” (Trust me, not worth it, the parties are great, but the meetings are boring) It does not make his decision justifiable though. Macbeth is wrong, and a looser for doing what he did. He jumped to conclusions, and thought killing was the only way. I bet Vonage would love to get their hands on Macbeth……

Why Everyone Is Wrong and I'm Right

You ever had to sit there and listen to somebody talk for 40 minutes, and you know they’re wrong, but you can’t say anything because you might get in trouble or killed? If you’re “into” that sort of thing, then stop on by my period one class, and sit in on a Socratic seminar.

As you might have guessed, I was tied-up, gagged, and being tortured slowly during today’s seminar. In today’s seminar we (the victims) had to listen to the speakers (torturers) while they discussed “Macbeth.” It was the general questions “Do you like the book,” “Do you like the characters?,” and “Do you like the font Shakespeare choose?” Questions that a5th grader could answer using only 1 syllable words. So I was listening to it, and I decided to try and “piggy-back” on some peoples comments. For example

Someone in the class, who let’s just call “J ”was talking about how Shakespeare language was so hard to understand compared to ours, and it got me thinking(she might like this .) I wonder if in 500 years 10^th graders will be reading something we wrote, perhaps “Legally Blonde: The Musical?” (I hear that blonde character has Shakespearean-like qualities, buy your tickets here.)

On top of that, I wonder if like they will be able to like understand us and ummmm like have the patience to like read what we are like saying before like burning everything with the word like in it…like Legally Blonde…like. (Have we like doomed our great grandchildren to this? When’s the last time something Shakespearean was made? Star Wars barely counts)

To finish up what the school mandates me to write about, I did agree with many people such as Dina, and Aalap. I do dis-agree with Alex thought, unless Shakespeare writes in Sherlock Holmes, which I hope he’s above, I doubt “The Case of King Duncan” will ever be solved through detective work, unless “The Witches” are part-time Crime Scene Investigators by day, and scary-manly prophets by night.

Side Note: Macbeth has the most power, the witches just prophesied, not make his choices, If he choose he could kill himself, and I doubt he would get the crown that way.

Then again whatever happened to that “Captain” fellow…hmmm..